Sunday, September 7, 2014

The long and short of it.

I wish I could tell you that things here are going swimmingly and that I've just been so busy with a fantastic life that I haven't had much of a chance to post.

But the truth is, things have been weird and often crazy. I have tried to sit down many times to blog. I have eight drafts of different "where I have been" posts sitting in my blog. I have daydreamed of coming back with full gusto and vigor. I just can't.

Life hasn't been how I wanted it to be. I have had a lot of personal ups and downs this year. When I left my job, I went on a somewhat spiritual road trip. I had 20 hours' worth of thinking about my life, what I wanted out of it and what I needed to do to get myself in gear.

For a year, my job was the only bright spot in my life. I enjoyed every minute of watching that baby grow into a toddler. She and her older sister are still in my life, and I love them more and more. I was recently out of town for a month. When I came back, I had the chance to babysit them for a few hours. Just walking in the door was enough to make my heart swell with love. Those two smiling, shining faces just make me melt.

My job shouldn't have been the only good thing in my life. I felt like The Hubs and I were drifting away from one another. He was out of town so much that I barely saw him. I felt resentful of him being gone so much. I would get angry when he would go out with co-workers while out of town. I was just bitter. A very bitter girl. And there was a point where I didn't think I could do it anymore. I didn't think I could continue being alone in a marriage.

Then I went to Florida for a month to help my sister with her new baby. At first I missed home because I missed the gym and my bed and my routine. Then I missed my dogs and their shenanigans. Then I missed my husband. It was a type of homesick I had never felt. I would call him just to hear about his day. He would text me pictures of the dogs being good, or of his progress on the weeds in our front yard. He did so much around the house while I was gone. He even finished painting a wall that I hadn't got around to for almost a year.

Then the baby came, and I got to spend time with my sister and her new family. It filled me with a longing I can't even express. I had that feeling in my stomach like something was gone and that I had suffered a great loss of something I never knew. It's hard to describe the ache of infertility. There is jealousy, anger, sadness, pain... There are moments where you want to scream and cry. And there were many moments that I came home from the hospital and let the tears flow. I want a child, and I want my husband.

Since getting back from Florida, many things happened. I made goals. I picked up where I left off at the gym. I started back in college. I finally made the appointment with a highly recommended ob/gyn who specializes in high risk pregnancies. And my husband has been home. We spend time together. We work on the yard together. We go and see movies. We mini golf and eat out and he even came grocery shopping with me which he hates. Things are different and good. And most importantly: We realize we need to be in this together.

As for crafting, I still love it. I still want to do it. I have made a few quilt tops that need to be finished. I just lost my love for blogging. I felt like I had to compete with bigger blogs that had been around longer. I didn't have the time and energy to devote to the social media and promoting that many bloggers do naturally. Now that I am in school, I don't know if I will get to blog as often as I would like.

But I do miss sharing projects. I miss the process. And my house has suffered from my laziness. I'm starting my 3rd week of school, and I hope by now I have set up a good enough routine to start posting again soon. There will be a few changes. I don't intend on posting holiday crafts. I don't have time. In fact, this year all the Halloween and Christmas decorations are staying in the garage. I don't have the energy. I also feel like my style has changed a lot. I have been looking at my living room and realizing it looks more like Grandma hadn't decorated since 1971 than a cool, eclectic space.

So for those who didn't feel like reading all of that, the point is: Things are in transition and I hope that you stick around because something new may show up.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

So... it's been awhile!

*taps the mic* hello? Anyone out there?

Actually, you're not supposed to tap the mic. It's bad for it. One of the more interesting things I learned in high school pop choir!
Okay, so where have the last seven months went? No, seriously!
- The baby I nanny for is now 13 months old. She is the cutest, squealiest, happiest, most mellow laid back kid ever. She is thriving in preschool. Apparently she sings herself to sleep and takes care of the other babies in her room.

- The baby's older sister finished Kindergarten. We didn't drive ourselves off a cliff getting her through this year! Dear sweet baby Jesus, let next year go better. She is sassy, opinionated, emotional and mature. And DEFINITELY NOT a morning person!

- Remember how my sister got married last July? Well, guess what?! It's almost been a YEAR SINCE THE WEDDING! Can you believe it? And there is a BABY BOY ON THE WAY!!! My 14th time being an auntie. :) Baby is due in August, and I am trying my hardest to be there for a month to help out.

- The Hubs still works out of town all the time. It is craptastical. I hate it. That is another story for another time.

- This is my third week of being "underemployed". Baby is now in preschool full-time, so I'm now free! Well, I gotta help out with older kid during this time between school ending and summer program.

- I finally got a battery for my laptop. Expect posts!

That's my life in a nutshell. I hope to revamp my blog, and I have a lot of things I want to share.

Thanks to my followers for not abandoning me. I'm hoping things will start looking up for me.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Where I've been and a bedroom sneak peek!

Hello, everybody! Where the hell have I been? Sit back, get cozy, lemme tell ya a story...

Once upon a time, Nessa took a job where she would only have to work 5 hours a day. Then, it went to 7. Then it went from sometimes 6 and sometimes 12 hours a day. THEN it went to 10 hours a day. Then the government shut down and now it's 5 hours a day... but at half the pay I was making. *sigh*

But it's cool! Today I have a day off, and I can share with you what's been going on around Casa de Procrastinator.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Just a heads up: My computer is dying.

For some reason, I cannot get my computer to cooperate. I can't click anything very well.

Which is absolutely sad because holy crap! I have a lot of wedding stuff I wanted to share.

Next week, before I head out to Florida, I will try to restore my computer and see if that makes it better.

Until then, please don't leave me!!! I promise I'll post soon! I'm thinking of a series entitled, "What I Fixed With Paint". You should see the clock I found at Thrift Town. And there's a mirror at St. Vincent's that I'm still thinking about... which means I need to go buy it.

I'm also collecting pieces for the master bedroom. I can't tackle it until after the wedding. I don't think our petsitter would appreciate sleeping on the floor in a half painted room.

So in closing: Don't leave me. My computer sucks. Can't wait for tax-free weekend when The Hubs and I both get new computers. My sister's wedding is in exactly two weeks. I'm seriously panicking.
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